My fundamental drive has always been to transform the memories of Inconsolable Longing to Belong into images. The key ingredient of my fascination is that this longing — never fulfilled — is in itself sweeter than the fulfillment of any other human desire, despite the fierce downside — the void, the darkness and hopelessness that you can’t escape.
I observe the world from a distance, filter and reflect my thoughts untill I capture my subjective experience in still images. I capture how I perceive the relation between me and you, in order to belong. And transformed I give it back to you, for you to see yourself through my designed world.
Like Lynch I like to play with the inexplicable. I am inspired by what looks normal on the outside but isn’t beyond the polished surface. I like to believe that behind this mass fake appearance and accepted sets of behaviour, lies dysfunctionality. That people’s worst nightmare is actually what they try to suppress.
My theme often deals with the notions of grief and fatalism, but brought back into the transformed idea that is numbed of its own emotion. Because I place myself in society through art, I have a need to relate through mediation; the image is what connects us. Herein lies the fascinating paradox: the less personal I am in my work, the more personal it is for the viewer to watch, the more they can relate to what I show, because it resonates with something inside them. The most shocking incidents translated to film felt like a lie rather than the truth. So I lie in order for the film to be perceived as the truth.
The more they relate to the story, the more I exist…
BROKEN (fiction, 25’39’’)
Parallel worlds, parallel time. A woman locked up in her apartment (or is it her head?), framed by her alter ego running through the woods. Entering her world you are left with the question whether the apartment is real or perhaps a dream. Is it happening now or in the past? Is the running through the forest the only thing that is really happening, or is that her fear?
In this film I show parts of my inner world in relation to events of my past. My memories have been transformed, stylised and given a new body, a new space in a new time. My fascination to make this film is to shape my inner worlds and its thoughts and bring them into tangible reality through film.
Language French, English
Country of production Russia, the Netherlands
Screenwiter Stan Lapinski, gwen.n
Director, producer, production design, gaffer gwen.n
Assistant director Anca Oproiu
Cinematography Danila Goryunkov
Production sound mixer Sergio González Cuervo
Sound design Gijs Den Hartogh
Sound advice Vincent Sinceretti
Editor Rob Gradisen, Ulrike Mischke
Composer Matteo Canetta
Starring Vanessa, gwen.